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hallelujah

Hallelujah from Elevation Worship on Vimeo.

I’ve always found great comfort in this song. I’m not even sure which part resonates so well with my inner person. Maybe it’s the hopeful sadness? Maybe it’s the acknowledgement that life is sometimes a messy, broken thing? Or maybe it’s that to me, I find hope that other people hurt too. It makes me feel not so alone.

Although I’m having a great and happy time with Caleb, I still hurt for the other baby. It’s in the quiet moments that the emotions come in.  Like when I look at Caleb sleeping, or when I’m praying over him that he has good dreams and not bad ones, or when I pray that he’ll grow up knowing that he is a precious child, a chosen one. I cry when I think about how I’ll never be able to share those intimate moments with the other child that I grew to love at a distance over this past year.  I so desperately want him to also know that he is chosen and precious. The only solace I find is in knowing that although I am not going to be the one to share those things with him, my God is bigger than me. He can teach him and mold him and love him with arms bigger and more secure than the two I could provide. I believe that the Bible is true when it talks about God’s extravagant love for us. His extravagant love for me.  His extravagant love for Caleb.  His extravagant love for that sweet little boy in Ethiopia. His extravagant love for you. Tonight I’ve found great comfort in Romans 8 and Psalm 23. I feel like these verses show me that God loves me. And He has a plan. A ‘plumb-line’ true plan.

“I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”  (MSG)

“For God’s Word is solid to the core;
everything he makes is sound inside and out.
He loves it when everything fits,
when his world is in plumb-line true.
Earth is drenched
in God’s affectionate satisfaction.” (MSG)

My prayer is that my heart can start to rest in God’s plan. . .His plan where everything fits.  I so crave for God’s affectionate satisfaction to seep into my heart and remind me that He is still moving in my life. He’s still working out this salvation within me.