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surreal

 

 

As I sit here drinking my coffee (kudos to Ethiopia for the black gold that gives me that extra umph every morning) watching the sunrise, it feels just like any other morning. Except that it’s not.  In a few short hours I will get on a bus heading to the Acacia Village and meet the little boy I’ve watched grow up in pictures and videos for the past two and a half years for the first time. Part of me wants to laugh, part of me wants to cry tears of joy that this day has finally arrived, and if I’m honest a small part of me is terrified that he will be frightened by me, the stranger.  There is also a part of me that is fighting for hope, and it is not a small part.  Hope that this little boy will be my son.  Hope that I won’t have to go through the heartbreak of losing him again.  The adoption is still a maybe, but as each day passes, God is granting me a little more peace about the whole mess that this has been.  Just this morning I was reading in Isaiah and came across this passage which gives me great comfort in the power of the Lord to move mountains and perform miracles and how we as Christians are to proclaim the good news of His work.  My hearts desire is that my life echos this good news.

Climb a high mountain, Zion. You’re the preacher of good news. Raise your voice. Make it good and loud, Jerusalem. You’re the preacher of good news. Speak loud and clear. Don’t be timid! Tell the cities of Judah, “Look! Your God!” Look at him! God, the Master, comes in power, ready to go into action. He is going to pay back his enemies and reward those who have loved him. Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, Hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture. Isaiah 40:9-11

Right now I feel like a helpless little lamb and it is a comfort to know that in this state, God has me in his arms and is giving me one of those reassuring all-encompassing hugs that lets me know no matter what, I am His. I am loved. I am beloved. I am not alone.

When my parents moved me to college back in 1999 (eeek!), my mom gave me a bible with a special letter she wrote to me on the inside cover.  In that letter she encouraged me to spread my wings and fly.  To be an eagle.  This morning, I was reminded of this in another passage from Isaiah, which essentially says the same thing my mom wrote in her letter so many years ago.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.  Isaiah 40:27-31

For the past few weeks (well months if I’m truly honest) I’ve felt like a tired dropout and I am so thankful that God promises through this verse to give me strength and energy to spread my wings and soar like an eagle.  So here I fly in the next little bit to meet my little prince.