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crooked lines

Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage.  The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

-Matthew 6

 

The older I get, the more complicated life seems to become.  Someone recently told me that for me, some things are like crooked lines, and for other people, it’s not like that.  Paths are straight, no pot holes, no meandering.  Although this person suggested that maybe I could try to make things straight(er), I think I’ve decided that I like crooked lines.  The artist in me thinks they’re much more interesting.  

I’ve also learned that I’m not a fast walker.  I like to take in the scenery, soak it up, enjoy the sunshine, smell the flowers, and all that other frilly stuff that our tv-based culture seems to discount.  Ever since returning from India, I’ve been turning the volume down on my life-slowing things up a bit.  Not rushing onto the next project (and for those that know me well, they understand how big of a deal this is).  My sweet friend Mandy calls herself a slow perfectionist. Being around people like her and other dear friends, reiterate the realization that there is a lot of good living that takes place in the slow moments . . . and a lot of joy that comes in the discovery of learning. . .I mean REALLY learning, something new.  

A good deal of my time in the last 4+ years have been spent learning as much as I can, as fast as I can. Masters, check. MBA, check. PhD, almost check. As I’m nearing the end of this journey, things are coming slower.  Don’t get me wrong, LIFE isn’t coming any slower, but my perception of my life is.  I don’t know where I’m going from here.  Actually I don’t even know if I’m going anywhere.  I could stay here for a while just as easily as I could go somewhere (*anywhere) else.  It’s almost as if a giant pause button has been pressed on my life goals, or at least on what I thought my life goals were.  Things that were very important to me six months ago, don’t seem quite as urgent anymore.  Priorities have shifted.  Community and intentionality are coming into focus.

Two things that are certainties.  One, I find life by living it with others.  Family, new friends, old friends, soon-to-be friends, housemates, guests, and hopefully soon, a son.  And two, I enjoy planting things and watching the miracle of life do its mighty work.  The city girl in me is slowly discovering that maybe rural life is what I’m made for.  Those slow and easy early mornings, where drinking coffee and sitting watching the world wake up is a priority.  We’ll see where this new found slowness takes this whirl-wind of a life of mine.  I’ll try to keep you posted.