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heavy & light

This past week was heavy (obviously).  Big adoption developments.  Weeping with my neighbor’s mother (he died in a car accident back in March).  Big beginnings (hello there baby Ramogi!) and big endings with my friends.   Lots of good-byes.   A few hellos.  But with all of that, there were also nice breezes.  Like picking a blueberries (twice in one week!), afternoon rain showers, bike rides, & a few great runs.   There was also a night where we longboarded until 2 am, and then another one where we ate a great meal & played a board game (so fun).  They were nice times.

Last night I went to bed meditating on Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but with everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  It seems to me that scripture comes with these little caveats, these things that make being a Christian, and actually believing the Bible, just plain hard.  Last night it was the with thanksgiving part that got to me.  So I get it, I’m not supposed to be anxious, I shouldn’t worry.  I should trust God. . .but what in the world–I’m supposed to be THANKFUL? for the hard stuff?   It didn’t seem possible–but the more I meditated on the words and the more I tried to pray through the heavy things of my life right now, the more I realized, that with thanksgiving doesn’t mean with celebration.  To me it means, giving thanks for the privilege of being who I am, where I am right now.  In these circumstances.  In this very moment.  It means recognizing that even the things that hurt, the things that are sad, the things that are big, and the the things that are small–these things are all a part of my story.

So I woke up this morning trying to do just that.  To not be anxious.  To pray and petition God in these circumstances–and to do so with thanksgiving.  June 18 is a very big day.  It’s also Thursday.   And no matter what happens on that day, the next day will be Friday.   And just as scripture comes with caveats, they are followed by promises.  The verse that follows says, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Pretty cool huh?  I do my part, caveats and all, and in that (no matter how big or small, happy or sad my given circumstances are), I get to experience the peace of God.  It is definitely a welcomed peace.